Christmas and the Government

It is time that the Government steps in and take over Christmas, there is simply so many inequalities with the Holiday that something has to be done. Children do not all get the same number nor the exact same presents from that racist, white Santa Clause and we as a nation should not put up with that kind of duck commando bigotry. The President even pointed out that he knows of Muslims and Jewish kids that get absolutely ZERO Christmas presents, even ones that were good all year.

Now that the IRS, NSA, ACA (ObamaCare), CIA, USPS, Education, Unemployment, Homelessness and everything else that they have touched is running perfectly they will now tackle Christmas. The law has been written and it will be voted on this evening by Congress to take the entire Holiday over. Nobody is sure what is in the bill because nobody has read it but it was written by people we can trust. People like Al Qaeda of Syria, North Korea Congressional Committee of Fairness and a couple of illegal immigrant elves that were fired by Santa .... oops, sorry, I should have said two vertically challenged, enhanced eared (they are better then normal ears), jobless because of Bush, hard working, undocumented folks that deserve help from Americans.

We have been told the bill contains some great stuff though.....
1 Whatever anyone wants they will get at no cost or highly subsidized.
2 Every family will save $2,500 each Christmas.
3 Nobody will be left out, even if they want to be left out.
4 If you like the way Santa treated you in the past, then you can keep the Santa you had.
5 Nobody will lose gifts that they had already bought, no matter what.
6 Santa will go high tech with a website so anyone can let Santa get their list ASAP
7 They will do all of this without taking one dime from the elderly.
8 There are NO coal panels, no matter how bad you were there will not be a group who decides if you get coal or not.
9 Boys and Girls, Men and Women will all get the exact same present not matter what.
10 All of this will not cost anyone who makes less then $250,000.00 a year or less a dime.

I am so excited about this, it is about time that Santa became regulated and who better to regulate him/her then the same government that has solved so many other problems. I do not care if most people are against it because I trust everyone in Washington DC.